


the harder the rain, honey (the sweeter the sun)

by spiritsontheroof



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blow Jobs, Eventual Smut, First Aid, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Really Character Death, Pining, Rescue Missions, Shower Sex, it's implied - Freeform, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritsontheroof/pseuds/spiritsontheroof
Summary: Mac could pretend he’s been okay since Jack left, he could pretend like life never stopped moving, like his world kept turning, like he kept going as though nothing was different. Mac could pretend those things are true, but Mac hates liars, and he isn’t going to become one himself by acting like his universe didn’t get turned upside down.In actuality, Mac’s life goes off the rails the minute Jack leaves the war room. Nothing feels right from then on and Mac can’t get his head screwed on straight after that. It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt since he was at MIT, when he was just some stupid kid studying theoretical physics like he didn’t have any real problems of his own to work on.
Relationships: Angus MacGyver & Desiree "Desi" Nguyen, Jack Dalton (MacGyver TV 2016) & Riley Davis, Jack Dalton/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 108





	the harder the rain, honey (the sweeter the sun)

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to @manon-blackbeakcrochan on tumblr for betaing this for me and for letting me whine the entire time I was writing it, you're the best!  
> uh there's a scene with a lot of blood mentions but it's not violent or anything, mac just cuts his hand but you have been warned  
> so this is my pride and joy, i hope you guys enjoy!  
> title is no plan by hozier

Mac could pretend he’s been okay since Jack left, he could pretend like life never stopped moving, like his world kept turning, like he kept going as though nothing was different. Mac could pretend those things are true, but Mac hates liars, and he isn’t going to become one himself by acting like his universe didn’t get turned upside down. 

In actuality, Mac’s life goes off the rails the minute Jack leaves the war room. Nothing feels right from then on and Mac can’t get his head screwed on straight after that. It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt since he was at MIT, when he was just some stupid kid studying theoretical physics like he didn’t have any real problems of his own to work on. 

Desi shows up a few days after Jack leaves and things are… fine, Mac guesses. Desi’s a lot and she’s kind of tough on Mac but she watches his back and she cares about him, so they get on okay until Mac breaks his own rule about fishing in the company pond and sleeps with Desi. If Mac’s life was off the rails before, it’s not even in a fucking train car after that. Then his dad dies, and Mac becomes an enemy of the state, and he just really fucking loses it for a minute. Everything piles up on Mac’s chest and he stops being able to breathe. He can’t escape, so he just keeps clinging to the fact that Jack will be home soon.

The only thing that keeps Mac going is having that one little thing to hold onto.

Until he doesn’t anymore. 

— 

_Missing in action._

_Presumed dead._

The words make Mac sick as soon as Matty says them, forming a knot in his throat that feels like it’s choking him. 

“What happened?” Mac asks, trying not to sound as shattered as he feels. Matty starts to tell him but words escape her, a tear falling as she shakes her head and leaves the room without a word. 

“There was a bomb, Angus. He and his team, they tried to get out. Everyone has been accounted for except Dalton. They don’t know that he’s dead, but they have not been able to make contact or find him.” Russ says, voice barely louder than a whisper. He looks sad, too, and Mac knows he wants to comfort the team, but he doesn’t know how. Russ didn’t know Jack, he doesn’t know what Jack means to them all, and Mac can’t fault him for not knowing what to say as a condolence. 

Mac sits down on the chair and folds his hands over his mouth, sighing deeply. “No body recovered, then?” Mac asks.

“No, the government said they don’t have the resources to continue searching for one and risking letting Kovac get away. Said they are in hostile territory and cannot stay longer than they already have.” Russ explains and Mac scoffs irritably. He’d expect nothing less from the US government. 

“Fine,” Mac says and stands again, looking Russ in the eye. “I want to go find him.”

Bozer protests before anyone else can form a thought. “Mac, that’s insane, you are not going into hostile territory.” 

“Why not? Jack deserves to come home.” Mac argues, voice rising and he wants to feel bad for yelling at Bozer but he just can’t right now. He’s heartbroken. Destroyed. 

Bozer stands up and gives Mac an incredulous look. “Look, man, I know you’re hurting right now. We all are. But you know good and damn well that Jack wouldn’t want you risking your own safety for him like that.”

Mac grits his teeth and resists the urge to shove Bozer away from him. “Who the hell are you to tell me what Jack would have wanted? He was _my_ partner, _my_ best friend, I lov—“ He cuts himself off and takes a deep breath, turning away from Bozer’s knowing eyes. 

“I’ll go with you,” Desi says from the back of the room where she’s been sitting silently, “He’d do it for any of us. He deserves this much.”

Mac gives her a grateful but sad smile and she nods in solidarity. He looks at Russ who is already nodding when he claps Mac on the shoulder. 

“I’m right behind you,” Russ assures. 

“Riles?” Mac asks and turns to look at her. 

Riley sniffs and wipes her eyes, eyeliner smeared underneath them, and she looks at him with something fierce in her eyes. “Yeah, Mac. I got your back.”

Bozer looks furious, like he can’t believe they’re all going to do something Jack would be so against, and he sighs when Mac looks at him. “Mac, Jack would be so pissed if he knew you were doing this.”

“He’s not here anymore, Bozer! He’s presumed dead, so excuse me if I’m not all that worried about incurring his wrath.” Mac snaps and Bozer levels him with a glare. “I’m sorry. Just… I know he’d be mad. But he doesn’t deserve to have his body left in hostile territory to rot. Like Desi said, he’d do this for any of us. And after everything he did for all of us, this is the least we can do.” 

Bozer looks around the room at his friend and throws his hands up in the air. “Fine. I’ll tell Matty.” Bozer relents and leaves the war room, grumbling something about stubborn assholes, and Mac doesn’t feel so nauseous anymore. He’s devastated and directionless, he still feels like there’s a weight on his chest, but he finds comfort in knowing he can finally do something for Jack after all Jack did for him. 

— 

There’s a lot of planning that happens over the next day and while Mac is in the room for it, his mind is somewhere else entirely.

Mac tries not to think about Jack in the past tense. It’s hard, because Mac isn’t an optimist, and the realist in him knows he’s going in for a body, but if he doesn’t think about Jack as thought he’s alive, Mac thinks he might fall apart. It takes every ounce of energy Mac has not to spend all his days curled in bed, wearing Jack’s stupid Rolling Stones shirt and sobbing. 

It’s what he wants to do, but he can’t, because Jack wouldn’t have wanted Mac crying after him. Jack would have wanted Mac to keep going, keep saving the world, keep thinking cause that’s what Mac is best at. 

_You’re the brains, Mac._

_The smart one._

_Wunderkind._

_Boy genius._

Jack used to talk about Mac like he was Jimmy fucking Neutron or something. 

Mac would give anything to hear it one more time.

Mac is lost in his own head when he’s jerked from his thoughts by Desi calling his name, looking at him like she just said something important and she knows he hasn’t been listening to a damn word. 

“Yeah?” Mac tries to play it off but Desi glares and Mac sighs, “I’m sorry. I swear I’m listening now.”

“I said, you and I will go in for Jack while Russ and Riley watch the perimeter. Sound good?” Desi grits, thinly veiled irritation obvious in her tone. She’s been on edge since they found out about Jack, biting people’s heads off left and right, and Mac is almost out of slack to cut her for it. 

Mac nods and crosses his arms over his chest, rubbing at his scar from Lake Como mindlessly. “Yeah, sounds good.” He says because it doesn’t matter who goes in to carry out a body, does it?

Mac grimaces at his own overly realistic inner monologue and shakes the thought from his head. There isn’t a body, not for sure. Jack could be there, alive, waiting for help. 

_Not likely, Mac. You know better. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment._

The voice in his head sounds a lot like Oversight these days. 

Mac longs for the days Jack never gave Mac’s internal voice a chance to get a word in. 

“You need to get your head in the game, MacGyver.” Desi tells him, narrowing her eyes. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mac fumes, the short fuse on his anger burning quickly after her words ignite it. 

Desi scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Come off it, you know exactly what I mean. You’ve been somewhere else the entire time we’ve been putting this together. I’m not going to get killed out there because you can’t pay attention for a mission that was _your_ idea.” 

Mac clenches his fists and sets his jaw, tries not to fly off the handle. “I’m paying attention, Desi. I’m not going to let anyone get killed.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure you said that to Jack a few times, too.” Desi snaps and then her hand flies up to cover her mouth like she can’t believe she just said that, remorse evident across her features.

Mac slams his hand on the table and starts across the room towards her but Russ shoves him back with two hands into Mac’s chest. 

“Take a walk, Angus, come on.” Russ demands, taking Mac by the arm and pulling him to the door. 

Desi starts to follow, lip trembling as she tries to apologize. “Mac, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean–” 

“Desi, I think it would be wise for you to keep your distance,” Russ advises and Desi shrinks back with a nod, sitting down in the arm chair nearest to the war room door. 

Out in the hall, Mac is pacing a hole in the floor as his blood boils in his veins like hot water on a stove.

“Mac, take a breath. Calm down. Everyone is quite… on edge, I’m sure Desiree didn’t mean it.” Russ tries, though his efforts are useless because everything Mac has been holding back is spilling out now. 

Mac stops in his tracks and stares dead at Russ. “Calm down? Are you fucking kidding me, Taylor?” He barked, voice echoing down the empty hallways.

“You want me to calm down when I’m about to drop into the jungle in the middle of fucking nowhere to recover a body?” Mac’s voice is rising by the minute and now he’s yelling, the sound foreign even to his own ears. 

Russ opens his mouth to say something, probably to pretend he understands where Mac is coming from, but Mac knows he doesn’t understand. No one does. 

“Don’t. Don’t try to act like you know how I feel, because unless the one person you’ve ever been in love with is laying dead in the middle of nowhere, you have no fucking clue what I’m feeling right now.” Mac finishes, tears rolling down his cheeks as his voice gives out on him and he sinks to the floor. 

Russ grabs Mac just as he starts to fall, unable to hold himself up any longer. He wraps Mac in his arms, one hand cupping the back of Mac’s head as he buries his face in Russ’ expensive sweater and wails like a child. 

“Angus, I know you’re hurting. You’re right, I don’t know what this kind of loss feels like, and I didn’t know Jack. But I do know that even if this feels like the end of the world, it isn’t. You will feel okay again someday. Not today, or tomorrow. Maybe not for a long time. But someday you will feel like yourself again.” Russ says quietly once Mac’s cries have died down to soft sniffles. 

Mac pulls away and he’s too exhausted and sad to even be embarrassed about baring his soul to Russ like that. “I don’t know if I can ever feel okay again without Jack,” he mumbles, drying his face with his rumpled shirt sleeves. 

Russ pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. Mac can’t help but notice that for the first time since Mac’s know the man, he looks genuinely open, like he’s hurting for Mac. 

“You can. It will be difficult, but you aren’t alone.” Russ says with a sad smile, “Just remember, the others are hurting, too. Maybe not in the same way you are, but they are.” 

Mac nods and stares through the clear glass of the war room windows at his friends. His friends, who are so obviously at the end of their own ropes, just like Mac is. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Desi look so broken as she does right now, curled in on herself with a distraught look on her face. Mac knows, somewhere deep down, that she never wanted to hurt him. She lashes out when her emotions run high, and there’s no doubt in his mind she feels horrible for what she said to him. 

Bozer hasn’t smiled since they found out. No jokes, no movie pitches with characters that are very obviously based on the team. Mac hasn’t seen him so desolate in their entire friendship.

Matty hasn’t said more than ten words since they found out. She’s a background fixture and it doesn’t suit her. Matty is always front and center, in your face, and she seems so out of place staring out the windows with her back to the war room screen. 

And Riley. Oh, Riley. Her eyes are sunken in, devoid of her usual makeup. Once bright hazel has dulled into something Mac can’t even name. She lingers near Mac at every chance she gets, like he might disappear as well if she gets too far away from him. He knows her pain, the loss of a parent, but Mac thinks her pain has to burn brighter than any Mac ever felt for his own father. Jack had meant so much to her, had been more like a dad than Elwood ever tried to be, and Mac knows that under that baggy sweatshirt she’s wearing is the Metallica t-shirt Jack gave her the Christmas before he went on his mission. 

“I don’t think any of us braced for the reality that he might not come home,” Mac croaked, throat raw from his sobbing. Mac runs his fingers through his hair before he looks over at Russ. “You know, we all just thought he’d come home as soon as he could. It never occurred to anyone that we might never seen him again. We always talked in ‘when’ and not in ‘if’.” 

Russ stands up and straightens his clothes. “You don’t know that he’s dead. You should still be talking in ‘when’ until there’s no hope.” He offers Mac a hand and Mac takes it, lets Russ pull him to his feet. 

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time at the Phoenix, it’s how to have hope.” Russ admits with a smile and smooths a wrinkle from Mac’s button down. 

Mac lets the words wash over him and he smiles as best as he can manage before he follows Russ back into the war room.

Desi jumps up when Mac reenters and he holds his hands up when she starts to apologize, effectively cutting her short. 

“It’s okay, Desi. It’s okay.” Mac says as he takes her hands in his and she visibly relaxes, offering him a watery smile. He squeezes her hands and lets go before turning to look at the rest of his team. 

“Well. Jack’s waiting on us, guys. Back to work.”

–

Mac goes home that night to find Riley sitting in the garage, staring at Jack’s car. 

“Hey,” Mac says so he doesn’t startle her, “You okay?”

Riley looks up at him from her spot on the dusty floor and shrugs. “I’m not as bad as I could be but I’m worse than I wish I was.”

Mac sits down next to her and observes the pristine paint on Jack’s pride and joy. The car has been in Mac’s garage, untouched, ever since Jack left. He doesn’t know what he’ll do with it if Jack is really gone. 

“I miss him,” Riley mumbles, finger dragging a line through the dust that has settled. 

Mac nods. “Me too, Riles.”

Silence settles over them after that, no words needed to share comfort between the two of them. They lean into each other, their hands entwined as they try and hold each other together. While he sits there, he thinks about all the times he didn’t tell Jack how he felt. All the near death experiences and dangerous missions. He thinks about Cairo, when he thought it was all really over. He thinks about the shitty goodbye Jack gave him before he left to hunt Kovac and he thinks about how he intends to make Jack make up for that. 

“What are you thinking about?”

Mac leans his head back against the wall. “I’m thinking about everything I’m going to say to Jack when I see him again.”

Riley turns to look at him with her trademark skeptical smile and Mac can’t help but smile back at her. “I mean it, Riley. When I see him again, – and I’m going to see him, not his body – I’m going to tell him everything I talked myself out of saying before.”

“What does that even mean, Mac?” 

Mac stands up and looks down at Riley. “It means that all those times I didn’t say I loved him, all the times I didn’t tell him how he made me feel, they won’t matter. I’m going to say it when it really matters. And even if it doesn’t go how I want it to, I’ll be okay knowing that if something happens to either of us, he knows how I feel.” 

With that, Mac opens the door and goes into the house as Riley watches him with a surprised look. She shakes her head when he closes the door, pushing herself up from the floor. 

She doesn’t think about Jack like he’s gone after that, because Mac decided Jack was alive.

Mac has never steered her wrong before.

–

The next twenty-four hours fly by and before Mac knows it, he’s dressed head to toe in tac gear and standing in the middle of nowhere. Mac figures the blast radius, based on what he knows about the bomb, is a few square miles. A lot of ground for just he and Desi to cover, especially in a territory where Americans aren’t welcome, but Mac prays Riley can work her magic and find him some heat signatures on the satellite images.

“Got anything yet, Riley?” Mac asks after a few hours of walking with nothing to show for it. He’s anxious, impatient, digging through every bit of rubble he comes across. 

“Nothing yet, Mac. Only signatures I can see out there are you and Desi.” Riley huffs, starting to get annoyed with her inability to see through the tree cover. 

Mac hears shuffling and then Russ comes over the coms, “Alright, Riley and I are going to start covering some ground, too. It’ll go faster that way.” 

“Copy that. Let us know if you see anything.” Desi states and then the line is silent again, the only sounds to be heard are those of their feet on the ground and skittering creatures around them. 

Mac is starting to get irritable, desperation rising with every passing minute. They’re going to have to expand their search radius, but with just four of them in the field, who knows how long that could take? They’ve already been out here for hours and there isn’t a single sign of Jack. 

“Mac, we’re gonna find him. Just focus, okay?” Desi says like she can read his mind, though Mac thinks his bubbling panic might be obvious on his face. Mac nods and takes a shaky breath, willing his mind to stay on the task laid before him. 

Two or so miles later, Mac is about to ask Riley if they’ve found anything when he hears a gun cock behind him. 

_Goddamn it. Not apart of the plan._

Mac puts his hands up in the air and Desi does the same, jaw set as she starts to turn around. 

“Don’t move,” A familiar voice grunts and Mac knows that voice, would know it anywhere, that’s – 

“Jack?” Mac marvels as something tightens at the sound of the voice he’s missed so dearly. 

Mac hears the safety click back into place and the sound of metal sliding into a holster. “Mac?” The voice asks as its owner grabs Mac by the shoulder and turns him around.

“Son of a bitch,” Jack mumbles when Mac’s facing him. He breaks into a grin and a hysterical laugh, hands coming up to grab Mac’s face. “It’s you. Come here.” He breathes and pulls Mac into a bone-crushing hug. 

Mac lets out a choked off sob and wraps his arms around Jack, fingers clutching the ratty material of Jack’s shirt. “I can’t believe you’re alive.” Mac mumbles against Jack’s shoulder before he pulls away, wanting a good look at the face of the man he loved. 

“I can’t believe you came for me,” Jack laughed and God, has Mac missed the sound of that. It’s like music to his ears and it almost makes him cry. “You’re a sight for sore eyes. I missed you.” 

“I missed you. Now, let me get some exfil coordinates and let’s get you home, yeah?” Mac offers and Jack nods, letting Mac go to pull Desi into a hug. 

“Hey, guys. We’ve got Jack. He’s alive.” Mac says and only winces a little when cheers erupt from his friends. 

“Sending you exfil coordinates now. Bring our boy home.” Matty commands, tone firm but smile evident in her voice. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Mac smiles and turns back to Desi and Jack. “Alright, Matty got us exfil coordinates, it’s about a mile, so let’s get moving.” 

They both nod and Desi leads the way, gun drawn and eyes scanning madly. He admires her laser focus no matter the circumstances because Mac’s mind is running a million miles a minute as he and Jack follow a few feet behind her. 

“I told you she was the best,” Jack says, reading Mac’s mind just like he always could.

Mac chuckles and runs his fingers through his hair. “She’s very good. I’m still biased towards you if we’re talking about the best, though.”

“Aw, hush.” Jack drawls with a grin and Mac’s stomach flutters, unable to keep a smile from his own face. “I can’t believe you and Desi came all the way out here just to find me.”

Mac rubs the back of his neck. “Uh. Riley is here, too. And Russ Taylor, new guy. They’re meeting us at exfil.”

Jack’s brows furrow together and then realization cracks across his face. “You left Riley alone with _Russ Taylor?_ What the hell is he even doing with you guys?” He demands.

“He, uh, he owns the Phoenix now.” Mac explains. “Listen, there’s a lot to catch you up on. But I promise, Russ is a good guy now. You know I’d never put Riley in danger.”

Jack huffs and rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah, alright.” He mutters. They can see the exfil now and they all walk a little faster, ready to get back stateside as soon as they can. Riley jumps out of the Phoenix jet as soon as she lays eyes on Jack, running into his arms. 

“Hi, honey. Oh, God, I missed you so much.” Jack says as he lifts her up and twirls her around, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “You look so beautiful, it’s so good to see you.” 

“I missed you, Jack. Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Riley says through her tears, swatting him on the chest as he sits her down. Jack laughs and promises not to as they get onto the jet. Russ stands when they enter, offering Jack a hand to shake. 

“I’m –” 

“Russ Taylor, I know. Your reputation precedes you.” Jack says with a wary look as he shakes Russ’ hand. Mac rolls his eyes and sits down on the couch, stretching his legs into the aisle. 

Russ chuckles dryly. “That’s what I was afraid of.” 

Jack lets go of Russ’ hand and looks over at Mac, who mouths ‘ _be nice’_ , and Jack turns back to Russ.

“Mac says you’re alright. And I trust Mac, so I guess you’re alright by me.” Jack concedes, sitting down on the couch next to Mac. 

Russ takes it with a smile and sits back down, Desi taking the seat across from him. Mac leans his head on the back of the couch and closes his eyes, exhaustion riddling his body. Jack slumps against him, shoulder pressed against Mac’s. Mac should really be catching Jack up on everything he missed, should be talking Jack to death, but having him so close has made Mac hyper aware of the sleep he’s been missing because he couldn’t turn his brain off long enough to rest. He still can’t seem to completely shut it down. His brain is making a list of all the things he needs to tell Jack once they get him checked out by a doctor when Jack slides his hand into Mac’s and tangles their fingers together. Jack squeezes his hand and presses his nose into Mac’s neck, humming softly. It should be a weird gesture, it should be awkward and uncomfortable and Mac should be squirming in his seat. Instead, his mind winds down and the weight that settled in his bones a few days ago lifts instantly. 

It’s a long flight back to LA, and Mac sleeps soundly for all of it. 

–

Jack wakes just before the plane descends, groaning softly as he comes to. He sits up straight, his back protesting because of the position he slept in, and pulls his hand away from Mac. He rubs his eyes and looks around, finding Riley staring at him with a knowing look. 

“What?” Jack asks defensively.

Riley shakes her head and looks back at her computer, smile tugging on her lips. “Sleep well?” She says innocently. 

Jack opens his mouth and then closes it, looking over at Mac before looking back at Riley. “Shut up.” 

Riley holds her hands up in surrender. “I didn’t say anything,” 

“Your face is saying it all,” Jack says and stands up, walks across the aisle to sit down across from Riley. “It was just the adrenaline wearing off.”

Riley nods and for a second, Jack thinks she’s going to let him have this one white lie, but he should know her better than that. 

“You should tell him, Jack.” 

“I knew you’d say that,” Jack shakes his head and leans back in the chair, “I just got him back, honey, it’s a little early for me to go and screw up.” 

Riley rolls her eyes and closes her computer, leaning across the table with a serious look. “You’re not an idiot. I know you can see how he looks at you.”

If Jack is being honest, yeah. He’s seen it. Mac’s face gives away his feelings all the time. Those blue eyes, so expressive, they’ll tell you everything you need to know about Mac. Jack sees it often touches that linger just a second too long and drawn out glances when Mac thinks Jack isn’t paying attention. 

“So? That doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge it.” Jack shrugs, unable to hold Riley’s piercing gaze. 

“You’re insufferable,” Riley groans. She gives him an annoyed look for a minute and then softens with a sigh. “Why wouldn’t you want to acknowledge it?” 

Jack looks over at Mac’s sleeping form. He looks so relaxed, his usually furrowed brow is smooth as he rests. The stress is washed away and he looks so young, beautiful, content. The way it feels to look at Mac like this almost knocks the breath out of Jack, makes something in his chest tighten and he has to look away before he does something stupid. 

“You won’t understand, Ri–” 

Riley cuts him off with a glare. “Don’t talk to me like a kid, Jack. I’ll understand just fine.” 

Jack holds his hands up in surrender. “There are some things in this life I’m willing to risk. Things I’m willing to lose.” He begins. He goes silent for a second, thinks about what he wants to say next, Riley’s gaze staring right through him. 

“I’m not willing to lose him. So, yeah, maybe I know how he feels. There’s no doubt he knows how I feel. But with my track record and my ability to fuck up everything good in my life, I just can’t risk it.” Jack admits, voice so quiet he wonders if Riley even hears him. 

Riley’s eyes are soft and she reaches over to take Jack’s hand in her own. “Screw your track record. You deserve to be happy and so does he,” she says bluntly. “Don’t deny yourself something you want just because you’ve had bad luck in the past.” 

Jack smiles at her fondly but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “It isn’t that simple, honey.”

“Yes, it is. Don’t be an idiot.” Riley huffs but her expression is sweet as she squeezes his hand before letting go and going back to her computer.

Jack leans back in the chair and closes his eyes, wishing sleep would take him over again. It doesn’t, he couldn’t be so lucky, his brain just repeats his and Riley’s conversation over and over again. Maybe Riley is right. Maybe he should just _stop_ fighting his feelings and just let them run wild. Maybe then the way he wants Mac wouldn’t make him ache so badly. 

It wasn’t so bad before Jack left. He’d gotten used to being around Mac and keeping his heart in check. Sure, he still stumbled on his words when Mac smiled and got a little lost in those baby blues every now and then, but Jack had it under control for the most part. 

And Jack knows he’s only been back with Mac for a few hours, but he can already tell it won’t be so easy now. Because now he knows _exactly_ how he feels about Mac. He knows how much being away had hurt, he knows that the only thing that had kept him from falling apart was that picture of Mac he’d carried around in his pocket. He looked at it anytime his heart ached for his favorite genius, and while it hadn’t been a cure, it had eased the pain enough for Jack to make it through. All this time and distance has made Jack feel like he might burst with love for Mac. It took everything in him not to kiss the hell out of Mac when he’d found Jack. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Bad luck is bound to change at some point. Jack is due for a little good luck, and after everything he’s lost and given up, the universe owes him _something_. It’s only fair. 

_Maybe,_ Jack thinks, _I have to take what the universe owes me instead of asking._

–

Mac should have known the night wouldn’t end without a celebration, so he shouldn’t be shocked when Bozer proposes everyone goes home to clean up before they meet at Mac’s for drinks. Mac wants to be pissed about Bozer inviting everyone to a house that he isn’t a resident of anymore, but Mac’s too tired to be anything more than mildly annoyed, so he just smiles and stops by the store on his way home for beer. 

Mac’s barely out of the shower and dressed when he hears the front door open and hears Desi’s voice calling his name.

“Mac?”

“I’m coming, Dez, hang on.” Mac calls back from the bedroom as he pulls a white henley over his head. He walks out into the main part of the house with his hair still dripping down his neck, pushing his wet bangs off his forehead. Desi’s already sitting at his kitchen island with a beer in hand and an unopened one for him. 

Mac takes the beer and pops the cap off. “Thanks,” he says before taking a drink. 

“You’re welcome,” Desi smiles. “So. You must be excited.”

Mac raises his eyebrows and sits down next to Desi. “For a party?” 

“No, Mac. To have your boy home.” Desi nudges him and takes a pull from her beer.

“Yeah. I am pretty excited.” Mac looks down at where he’s picking the label off his bottle with a shy smile. He’s so excited he can barely stand it, and even as exhausted as he is, he can’t wait to have everyone he loves back under his roof like old times. 

Desi shakes her head with a soft laugh. “God, I didn’t believe Riley, but it’s obvious now. I don’t know how I never saw it before.”

“Saw what?” Mac says defensively, eyebrows knitting together as he looks over at her. 

“How head over heels you are for Jack,” Desi teases with a sweet smile, which isn’t what you’d expect to see from someone who just found out her ex-boyfriend is in love with someone else. 

Mac blushes hard, face hot as he ducks his head. “Uh, yeah. Guess I’m not too subtle about it.” He admits and shakes his head at himself. He’s really got to get ahold of it or Jack will have him figured out before Mac even has a chance to explain. 

“It’s okay. Not like Jack ever has been either.” Desi says offhandedly, causing Mac to choke on his beer. 

“Excuse me?”

Desi looks at him with confusion etched across her features and then he sees realization replace it. “Oh, you don’t know!” 

“I don’t know what, Desi?” Mac turns to face her fully, beer forgotten on the counter. 

Desi looks like she knows she’s said too much and she should be quiet, but she sighs and leans in closer to Mac. “Look, it’s not my place to tell you this, but Jack’s been in love with you for, like, ever.” 

Mac’s mouth falls open slightly at Desi’s words and he feels something wash over him, something like relief, like someone confirmed something he’s been curious about and now he can stop worrying about it. 

“Desi, don’t do that to me. You’re serious? How do you know that?” Mac says with elation leaking into his voice, smile pulling at his mouth.

Desi giggles and nods. “Serious as a heart attack, Mac. He told me over the phone once a few years back, right after he moved to LA. Oh my God, how did you not know?”

Mac thinks for a minute and then he stands up, nervous energy coursing through him, so he busies himself with straightening the kitchen. “I think I did know, kind of. I just… I guess I didn’t want to get too hopeful about it. So I convinced myself it was all in my head and tried not to think about it too much.”

Desi looks at him fondly. “You’re an idiot. You and Jack, you could have been boning this whole time, but you both convinced yourselves that the other person wasn’t into you.” She says bluntly and Mac can’t help but burst into laughter. 

“I guess so. I wanted to tell him so many times, but the timing hasn’t ever seemed right. And then I was going to, right before he left, I’d finally gotten up the nerve. So when he called me to come over, I had a whole speech planned, but he told me he was leaving and I figured that was a sign from the universe that we were a bad idea.” Mac rambles as he wipes down the island countertop. 

“You know signs from the universe have no scientific backing, right? You were just scared.” Desi taunts but it isn’t cruel like it might be from someone else. 

Mac huffs at her and rolls his eyes. “Yes, Desiree, I know that. Shut up.” A bottle cap is thrown his way and he bats it away, chewing on the inside of his cheek before he just decides to come out with it. “I thought he was going to kiss me when we found him. He was _right there_ and he was looking at me and I thought it was finally gonna happen but…”

“That would have been so cute and sickening. You guys are like a movie.” Desi teases and gets up to toss her empty bottle. “So, are you gonna tell him tonight?” She asks excitedly.

“I might,” Mac singsongs with a smile. “Should I? Is now the right–”

“Mac, if you start talking about timing, I will punch you.” Desi threatens but there’s no heat behind it. “There is no such thing as good timing. You just have to buck up and make the universe abide by your schedule sometimes.” 

Mac mulls her words over as he leans on the counter, taking in her advice. Her face is soft but she’s serious, and say what you will about Desi, but she gives good advice. 

“You’re the most fearless person I’ve ever known. You run towards bombs instead of away, I’ve seen you run into a gunfight with just a pocketknife. And I know this is different, but don’t lose that boldness just because you can’t turn love into a math problem. Just grab it by the horns and take what you deserve. ” Desi says softly and before Mac can say anything to that, the front door opens and the rest of the team pours in and Mac’s house is filled with the sounds of his family.

Mac looks at Desi one last time before they’re enveloped in the noisiness of their friends. 

“Don’t be scared,” Desi mouths and gestures to Jack with her eyes before Riley drags her out onto the deck to start the fire.

Mac smiles and turns to grab a round of beers, using the spare second to take a deep breath and calm his nerves. 

_Take what you deserve,_ Mac thinks, _it’s about damn time._

–

Being around everyone gives Mac a second wind and it doesn’t matter that he’s only slept ten hours in the last three days, he’s riding a high he hasn’t felt in years. He feels young, feels happy, feels _whole_. He forgot what that could feel like and now that he’s managed to capture it again, he doesn’t ever intend to let it go. 

They play truth or dare just like old times and Jack drinks hot sauce again, just like old times, much to Russ and Desi’s disgust. Jack and Mac recount their greatest hits, talking over each other and laughing like little kids the whole time, and before Mac knows it, he’s had way too many beers and he’s leaned back in his seat around the fire, face warm with intoxication and ribs aching from laughing so hard. 

“I’m going to get another beer, anyone else?” Jack asks and laughs when they all start shouting in agreement. 

“I’ll help you,” Mac says with a chuckle and pushes himself up, leaving them listening to Bozer telling the story about Mac burning down their high school football field. 

Jack’s already in the kitchen when Mac gets inside, bent over by the fridge and counting out beers. Mac allows himself to enjoy the view, just for a minute, of Jack’s ass in those always too-tight jeans, before he makes himself look away as Jack stands up. Jack smiles at him and hands him a few bottles, taking the rest in his own hands. Large, strong, calloused hands, hands that Mac has imagined all over his body, running through his hair, pinning his wrists to –

“You good?” Jack asks, brow furrowed in concern and it’s only now that Mac realizes he had been zoned out and staring.

Mac looks up and hopes Jack will chalk his reddening face up to being drunk. “Yeah, I’m good.” He lies. He’s not _good,_ per se. Mac is drunk and in love and is having a hard time _not_ staring at Jack’s mouth. 

Jack gives Mac a skeptical look but nods and steps around Mac to the door. “Okay, if you say so.”

Mac nods and gives a half-ass smile and then he says, “Hey, I need to talk to you about something.” 

“Now?”

Mac starts to say yes but he’s cut off by Bozer yelling, “Mac, get out here and tell the story about the time you blew up our treehouse!”

Mac sighs, looking down for a minute. “No, later.” He concedes.

Jack smiles and nudges him, out the door. “Okay. Let’s get out there, then, you know how much I love that story.”

–

Several rounds and stories and drinking games later, everyone starts to file out of Mac’s house, calling Ubers and Lyfts because they’re all far too drunk to drive. Mac is cleaning the deck of the endless empty bottles when Desi comes and pulls him into a hug. She catches Mac by surprise, Desi isn’t usually so affectionate, but he wraps his arms around her anyway. 

“Love you, loser.” Desi slurs in his ear, pressing her face against his shoulder.

Mac laughs and squeezes her slightly. “Love you, too.’

Desi lets him go and smiles at him. “Remember. Universe is on _your_ time. Grab it by the balls or… whatever I said earlier.” She says before she walks away, only stumbling slightly as she hooks arms with Riley to catch their shared ride.

Jack laughs at the two drunk girls when he passes them on his way out to the deck. “What, exactly, is she wanting you to grab by the balls?” 

_You,_ Mac thinks and has to stifle a laugh at the wording. He might still be a little drunk. 

“Uh, nothing. Drunk ramblings, you know how she can be.” Mac says, clearing his throat and dropping the bottles into the bag he’s designated for glass recycling. 

Jack nods and sits down at the table Mac just finished cleaning. “So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” 

Mac forgot he’d mentioned needing to talk to Jack, and the reminder startles him so badly that he drops a bottle, glass shattering across the deck and a shard slicing his palm. “Fuck,” he curses.

“Jesus, Mac.” Jack gasps, jumping up and rushing to Mac’s side. “Yeah, you got yourself good. Come on, leave the glass, lets get you cleaned up.” He says after his inspection of Mac’s steadily bleeding hand, leading Mac inside the house quickly. 

Mac lets Jack pull him over to the sink and press a clean dish towel into his palm. “The first aid kit is –”

“Under the bathroom sink, I know.” Jack cuts him off with a small smile. “Keep pressure on that, I’ll be right back.”

Mac nods and watches Jack disappear into the bathroom. Once he’s out of sight, Mac slumps over the sink and takes a deep breath, curses inwardly at his own clumsiness. He’s now embarrassed on top of being anxious, and his hands are shaking, and Mac can’t tell if it’s because of his nerves or because of the blood leaking out of his hand onto the stainless steel of his kitchen sink. Mac’s courage to tell Jack what was on his mind had disappeared when his buzz did, but now he either has to show his cards or come up with a bluff.

Mac’s never been a great liar. 

“Found it,” Jack says upon his return, holding the kit up in the air and shaking its contents as proof. He sits it on the counter and gingerly pulls the now blood-soaked towel away from Mac’s hand. 

“Alcohol inhibits your blood’s ability to clot. Probably why the bleeding won’t stop.” Mac says weakly. He doesn’t know why he says it, he knows Jack knows that, but it gives him something to think about other than how he feels for the man currently stroking his thumb over the inside of Mac’s wrist as he holds Mac’s hand steady to clean it.

Jack chuckles and shakes his head, dragging the damp towel over the wound gently. “I know,” he says, but his tone is soft, not annoyed, and Mac eases a little. “It’s slowing down, though, and it doesn’t look like it’ll need stitches.” He assures Mac with a smile. 

Mac winces as Jack prods around the cut. “Sorry. You’ve not even been back twenty-four hours and you’re already having to take care of me again.” He laughs softly, using his uninjured hand to push his hair out of his face. 

“You ain’t gotta apologize, Mac.” Jack says as he continues his mission of stopping Mac’s bleeding. “I don’t mind doin’ it. Part of my job.”

“I’m pretty sure your job description doesn’t include having to fix me up just because I have butter fingers,” Mac points out and tries not to jerk away when Jack puts disinfectant on the cut. 

Jack gives Mac an apologetic glance when Mac flinches. “No, but I’m happy to do it anyways. Somebody’s gotta look out for your clumsy ass.” He teases.

Mac laughs and looks over at Jack, fondness blooming warm in his chest. “Well, thank you. Don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Jack continues his tedious cleaning of Mac’s palm and looks up at him with a disapproving look. “I’ve heard about all the things you got into without me.” He says softly, tone suddenly serious.

Mac should have known someone would tell Jack about everything Mac went through, everything Mac did while Jack was gone. “Matty told you,” he says and his voice sounds scared, like he’s afraid Jack is disappointed in him. 

Jack drops the bloody gauze into the sink to be dealt with later and starts patting the cut dry with a clean piece of gauze. “She did. Said you got into all kinds of trouble.”

Mac doesn’t know what to say next, so he stays silent and focuses on the spiral of blood and water running down his sink drain. 

“She also said you went through a lot while I was gone.” Jack says after a few moments. “I’m sorry about your old man. And your aunt.” He says gently, voice silky smooth and honey sweet over Mac’s open wounds, inside and out. 

“Thanks,” Mac chokes out, tears poking at his eyes. He clears his throat and looks over at Jack, waits for the inevitable question. 

“But I gotta know, Mac. Joining Codex? What were you thinking?”

There it is. 

Mac sighs and uses his good hand to push himself up to sit on the counter before letting Jack go back to bandaging him up. “I thought I was doing what was right. And, really, it was the best plan of attack. I know you’re disappointed in me and you’re probably really pissed at me for dragging Riley down with me, but –”

Jack cuts him off with a gentle, “Mac.”

Mac looks over at him with wide eyes and Jack’s face is so open, so concerned that Mac thinks he might actually burst into tears now. “What?”

“I’m not disappointed, and this isn’t about Riley. She’s a big girl and she did what I would have done,” Jack says and Mac cocks his head, watching Jack’s face as Jack tapes the gauze down on Mac’s hand. 

“What do you mean, what you would have done?” Mac asks tentatively. 

Jack finishes bandaging Mac and then he sighs, letting go of Mac’s hand starting to clean up the mess. “She trusted you. She followed you.” He says, throwing away the bloodied gauze and ruined towel. 

Mac can tell there’s something Jack isn’t saying, so he doesn’t talk, just watches Jack rinse the sink and close up the first aid kid. 

“I’d follow you to hell and back, and that wouldn’t exclude joining a terrorist organization.” Jack says finally, and Mac knows the sentiment is serious but that doesn’t keep him from barking out a laugh. Jack looks over at him and starts laughing, too, when he sees Mac doubled over in bubbling laughter. 

Mac doesn’t know why, but he can’t stop laughing. It’s not funny, nothing about it is, but Mac’s emotions have been so close to the surface these last twenty-four hours, begging for Mac to release them, that now Mac can’t reign it in. He laughs and before he knows it, tears are rolling down his face, giggles turning to something like a sob. Jack doesn’t ask what’s wrong, what a saint he is, he just lets Mac get it out. 

“Sorry. I… Jesus, I’m such a fucking mess, man.” Mac says, wiping his tears away after the crying subsides.

“Trauma does that to you,” Jack shrugs and reaches out to squeeze Mac’s knee. He looks Mac over for a minute, eyes searching. “Listen, you don’t have to apologize for how you’re feelin’. And you definitely don’t have to do your whole hero thing in front of me.”

Mac wants to be offended by the hero comment, but Jack’s right. Mac’s been known to put on a face and grit his teeth through his own pain so he doesn’t have to burden anyone else with it. 

“I know,” Mac sighs, feet swinging softly against the cabinets. 

“Now, that bein’ said, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Jack said, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Mac a soft but expectant look. 

Mac bites his bottom lip and clenches his good hand into a fist, taking a deep breath. “I, um. I told myself I would tell you this when we found you, because when I thought you were dead, it felt so stupid that I had never said it before. You know, I kept it quiet for so long and then I thought you were gone and I couldn’t believe I’d wasted so much time and I just–”

Mac steels himself with another deep breath. “Sorry, I’m rambling,” He chuckles breathlessly. “What I’m trying to say is, I love you.”

The silence that hangs between them is suffocating and Mac can’t read Jack’s expression, can’t tell what he’s thinking, and he’s starting to think that maybe Desi steered him wrong. 

–

Mac’s words crash into Jack like a ton of bricks.

_I love you._

Even though he should have known, Riley told him so and Jack has had his suspicions over the years, it catches him off guard. His voice is stuck in his throat and he’s frozen to his spot, Mac’s voice ringing in his ears. 

“Please say something,” Mac’s voice pleads, breaking the silence that had settled over them. Jack’s vision focuses on Mac and he looks like he’s going to cry, like he wants to curl up and hide, and Jack can’t let Mac think he’s made a mistake. 

“Sorry. I just… Sorry.” Jack shakes his head and closes his eyes a minute. “I just wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were gonna ask me about staying in LA or coming back to work or something. I wasn’t expecting that.”

Mac looks away from Jack and he jumps down from the counter, face crumbling in that way it does when Mac’s about to cry. “I shouldn’t have said anything,”

“Woah, slow your roll there, cowboy. I didn’t say it wasn’t a pleasant surprise.” Jack says, reaching out to stop Mac before he can go too far. “Hey, calm down. Give me a second to talk, how about that?”

Jack lets him go when he’s fairly sure Mac isn’t going to bolt, and he sighs in satisfaction when Mac nods in response to Jack’s request. 

Jack still isn’t quite sure what to say. “I…” he begins, but Mac cuts him off.

“Listen, if you’re going to shut me down, I understand, just –”

“Did we not just agree you were gonna let me talk?” Jack chastises gently, smiling a little when Mac ducks his head shyly. 

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Jack shakes his head and waves the apology off. He leans back against the counter and crosses his arms, chewing thoughtfully on the inside of his lip. “I love you. I can’t think of anything else to say. I love you, Mac.”

Mac’s head snaps up and he looks relieved, worry draining from those deep blue eyes Jack is so enamored with. “Really?”

Jack laughs and takes Mac’s good hand with his own. “Of course I do. How could I not?” He asks, unable to keep the smile from his face.

If Jack is being honest, this all feels surreal. One minute he’s doing field first aid on Mac’s hand and trying not to think about Mac’s eyes staring at him, and now he’s so close to Mac that he’d barely have to move an inch to press their lips together. Jack is kind of woozy because of it. 

“I don’t know. I just thought for a second that I’d read all this wrong and Desi had given me bad intel, and I thought I screwed it all up.” Mac says anxiously, fingers tightening around Jack’s.

Jack wants to ask him what intel Desi gave him but Jack decides to save it for later, because right now he’s just thinking about how he’d barely have to move an inch to press his lips against Mac’s. “You didn’t screw anything up, darlin.” He assures him softly, placing his other hand on Mac’s hip and pressing him gently against the counter. 

“That’s a first for me,” Mac says and Jack gives him a disapproving look. Jack hates when Mac talks down on himself, he doesn’t understand how Mac doesn’t see how wonderful he is. 

Jack reaches up and brushes Mac’s hair from his eyes gently, smiling a little at the way it makes Mac’s breath hitch. “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Jack says, voice barely above a whisper.

Mac’s eyes dart down to Jack’s lips before he nods. “Yeah, okay. I won’t.” He concedes in a low voice. 

Jack’s eyes run over Mac’s face, take in his features. His ocean blue eyes, the slope of his nose, the spattering of freckles across smooth cheeks, the way his lip reddens when Mac’s worries it with his teeth. 

“Are you just going to stare at me or are you going to kiss me?” Mac says suddenly, startling Jack from his mental cataloguing. 

Jack smiles and acts like he’s thinking it over. “Mm, can’t I do both?” He says before he decides on the latter of Mac’s question and leans in to kiss Mac softly. 

It’s better than Jack could have ever imagined. Mac is warm against him and his lips are soft, just the right amount of chapped when they slide over Jack’s own lips. Jack sighs into it and pulls Mac impossibly closer, tongue sliding along Mac’s bottom lip. Mac lets out a small noise and Jack revels in it, sliding his hands from Mac’s hips around to the small of his back and letting them slide under Mac’s shirt. 

Mac wraps his arms around Jack’s neck and slides his fingers through Jack’s hair. It feels _fantastic_ and Jack is on cloud nine as Mac slips his tongue into Jack’s mouth, deepening their kiss. Jack moans and slides his hand into the back pockets of Mac’s jeans. 

“Okay, okay,” Jack breathes as he pulls away, chest aching for air. “We should slow down,”

Mac hums but he’s already kissing a line down Jack’s freshly shaven jaw, teeth scraping over the spot just between the hinge of Jack’s jaw and his ear. “Yeah, sure. Slow.” He mumbles offhandedly, like he’s barely listening. 

Jack groans as Mac’s lips find his throat, biting just shy of too hard. “You’re killin’ me,” He mumbles and brings one hand up to grasp soft blonde locks. 

Mac smiles against Jack’s skin. “Come on, we’ve been going slow for years. I thought you were dead. I’m tired of slow.” He whines as he pulls back, eyes almost black with want as he pleads with Jack. 

It’s hard to resist but Jack isn’t caving on this one. “Going slow for a little while longer won’t kill you, darlin’, I promise. I wanna take you out, woo you, and we’re gonna do this right, okay?” Jack says, grabbing Mac’s chin with two gentle fingers.

Mac looks like he wants to argue but then he smiles sweetly and nods. “That actually sounds nice,” he concedes, fingers trailing down Jack’s chest. 

“Good,” Jack says and leans in to give Mac a chaste kiss. “I should go, it’s gettin’ late.” He mumbles, because he’s a responsible adult and the way Mac keeps looking at him is making it hard to stick to taking it slow.

Mac gives him a sad look but nods and lets Jack go. “I’ll walk you out,” he says and Jack can’t help but love the way he’s pouting as they walk to the door. Mac opens the door and Jack steps just over the threshold before he turns around and kisses Mac just one more time.

“Pick you up tomorrow night?” Jack proposes when they pull apart, eyebrows raised with a hopeful glint in his eye.

Mac nods and leans against the door frame, the porch light making him look more angelic than he usually does. “What time and what’s the attire?” He asks playfully. 

“Seven,” Jack says as he backs down the stairs, “And wear that blue suit of yours. Brings out your eyes. Does your ass justice, too.” He flirts with a cheeky grin. 

“Oh my God, go,” Mac says with a roll of his eyes but Jack doesn’t miss the the blush that rises on his cheeks. 

“Alright, alright, I’m going.” Jack holds his hands up in surrender. “Night, Mac.”

“Night, Jack.” Mac says and then he closes the door gently, lock clicking into place a second later. 

Jack turns around and walks to his car, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. And if he does a little dance and a fist pump on his way there, can you blame him? He’s getting everything he ever wanted. 

–

Mac wakes the next morning with a smile on his face and butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. Matty gave the team a day off, so Mac has to find some way to bide his nervous energy until he has to start getting ready. He has breakfast and tinkers around on some forgotten projects. He fixes the leak in the bathroom sink and cleans up the broken glass from last night, then cleans his wound and rebandages it. 

He’s practically bouncing off the walls with excitement by noon, so he texts Desi and tells her to come over. She answers almost immediately that she’ll be there in ten minutes, demanding details of last night with a flurry of exclamation points. 

True to her word, she’s banging on the front door ten minutes later. “Mac! I want to know everything!” Desi yells through the door.

Mac laughs and jogs over to unlock the door. He opens it to a very obviously hung over Desi, her mussed hair, sweatpants, and sunglasses make for dead giveaways.

“Every detail, MacGyver. Don’t leave anything out.” Desi demands as she pushes by him and goes straight for the coffeemaker, turning it on and standing impatiently to the side of it. 

Mac closes the door and follows her into the kitchen, shaking his head at her insistence. He gets her a clean mug before sitting down at the island and taking a deep breath. “I know what you’re thinking, and no, we didn’t have sex.”

Desi’s face falls and she pulls her sunglasses off so Mac can get the full intensity of her displeasure. “Why the hell not?” She asks as she turns to pour her coffee, letting out an obscene noise when she takes the first sip. Mac grimaces and Desi glares at him so he lets it go. 

Mac shrugs and leans back in his chair. “Jack said he wants to take things slow,” he says and Desi’s eye roll is so intense that it’s a miracle her eyes don’t get stuck in the back of her head.

“Of course he does. He’s such a hopeless romantic, it’s gross.” Desi mutters and leans forward onto the counter across from Mac. “So, did _anything_ interesting happen?” 

“Well, there was making out. A lot of that. Oh my God, he’s the best kisser.” Mac gushes and yeah, he sounds like a teenager, he doesn’t care. He’s happy. “It was, like, fucking awesome.”

“I said I want every detail! Start from the beginning!” Desi commands and Mac immediately launches into the story. Him dropping the bottle, their talk about Mac hiding his feelings – which Desi gags at – all the way up to him asking Mac to go out that night. 

“The blue suit? Oh, you’re definitely getting laid tonight.” Desi says, lips pursed before she takes a sip of coffee, waggling her eyebrows over the rim of the mug. 

“You think so?” Mac asks nervously, biting his lip. Not that he wants to rush things, but Mac isn’t exactly known for his patience. He’s been waiting, like, five years and dammit, he doesn’t need to be wined and dined.

Not that he doesn’t appreciate the gesture. It makes him feel special. 

Desi shoots him a deadpan stare. “I know so, Mac.” She assures before going to rinse out her mug and sit it in the sink. She pushes herself up on the counter and swings her legs back and forth. 

Mac blushes at the thought and Desi wrinkles her nose up in disgust. “Are you thinking about having sex with Jack right now?”

Mac smirks. “I might be,”

“God, you’re so gross.” Desi sighs in annoyance. “Just for that, you’re taking me to lunch. Come on.” 

Mac laughs but obliges, hoping it’ll help pass some of the time. 

Mac doesn’t know what it is about Desi that turns him into a gossipy teenager, but they talk for hours and Mac’s nerves ease away little by little. He pays because without her shoving him in the right direction, he’d have talked himself out of telling Jack, so lunch is the least he can do. 

It’s well after three by the time Desi drops him back at his house, kisses his cheek and makes him promise her he won’t worry himself out of having a good time. Mac agrees to the promise and goes inside to get himself together. 

He finds the suit Jack requested and irons it until it’s perfect, does the same with his dress shirt. He finds his best pair of underwear – heather grey Calvin Kline boxer briefs – and frets over what socks and shoes to wear for over an hour. By the time it’s all to his liking, it’s after five o’clock and he’s spent far longer on an outfit than he has any other time in his life. 

Mac takes as much time as he can in the shower, trims and shaves and scrubs head to toe, twice. When he gets out, he brushes his teeth and shaves his two-day stubble, puts on his aftershave once he’s clean shaven. He’s been keeping his hair short so it doesn’t take much to fix it, just a little pomade to keep it from falling into his eyes, and then he does just a little cologne on his neck and chest, not too much. 

Mac wonders absently why he’s going all out, why he’s so worried about impressing someone who’s seen him covered in dirt, covered in blood, someone who’s seen him at his very _worst_. Mac feels stupid for worrying so much, but then it occurs to him that Jack is inevitably doing the same thing, fretting far too much over his appearance, trimming his beard just right, calling Riley to help him pick out something to wear. The thought makes Mac smile as he checks the time on his phone. 

6:05 PM. 

There are the butterflies again. 

Mac gets dressed and then he has to dig through his drawers for cuff links, and that takes twenty minutes, and Mac is panicking because he thinks he might be late. He finds them with time to spare and then he ditches his clunky waterproof watch for something nicer, leather band and silver face. 

Mac is checking his reflection one last time when he hears the front door open. 

He doesn’t know why he expected Jack would knock.

“Mac?” Jack calls and Mac huffs a little, running his fingers through his hair again. 

“Bedroom!” Mac calls back, fussing with the buttons on his shirt. Should he leave one button undone or two?

“Two,” Jack says from the doorway, like he’s reading Mac’s mind. Mac looks over at him with a shy smile and nods.

“Two it is, then.” Mac agrees and undoes the second button before straightening his collar. “How do I look?” He asks as he turns to face Jack, arms outstretched to his sides like he’s on display. 

Jack puts his hands into the pockets of his own black slacks and gives Mac a slow once over. He looks less like he’s admiring Mac’s suit and more like he’s mentally taking said suit off Mac. He barely suppresses the shiver it sends through him. 

“You look like a dream,” Jack says in a low tone as he starts towards Mac. He pulls Mac in with two hands on Mac’s hips and Mac goes willingly, arms going to wrap around Jack’s neck like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Mac smirks and leans in to kiss Jack just because he can. He’s allowed to do that, he gets to have this, and it’s something right out of his wildest dream. He grips Jack’s hair gently as he deepens the kiss. It’s longer now, longer than Mac’s ever seen it, and Mac _loves_ it. The perfect mix of salt and pepper, just long enough for Mac to have something to hold onto, and he makes a mental note to tell Jack how much he likes it.

Jack pulls away after a minute and Mac whines, chases his mouth, but Jack stays just out of reach. “You keep that up and we might not make it to dinner,” he warns.

Mac brings one hand forward and lets his fingers ghost over the side of Jack’s neck, down to the front of his shirt to toy with the buttons on Jack’s white dress shirt. “I’m fine with that,” he shrugs and looks up at Jack through his lashes.

Jack looks at him like he’s actually contemplating what Mac is insinuating. “Is that right?” He hums, thumbs digging into Mac’s hip bones gently.

“Yeah. I mean, we’ve been to dinner a thousand times. I’m sure we can stand to skip just this one.” Mac says with a coy half smile, wrapping a fist in Jack’s shirt. 

Jack doesn’t look convinced and not that Mac doesn’t want to go on a date, but Jack looks so damn good in that suit that Mac will never be able to focus on behaving while they’re out. He’s about to relent, tell Jack they should get going, when Jack cuts him off. 

“I think you’re right,” Jack mumbles and pulls Mac into a hard kiss, all thoughts of slow thrown out the window. Mac moans into it, knees going weak when Jack slides his tongue into Mac’s mouth.

Jack backs them up against Mac’s wall, pushing Mac’s suit jacket off his shoulders. Mac shrugs it off and tosses it aside, letting his head fall against the wall as Jack kisses his way down Mac’s throat, teeth scraping deliciously over Mac’s skin. While Mac is being reduced to putty by Jack’s sinful mouth, Jack shrugs his own jacket off and comes back up to capture Mac’s lips again as he starts unbuttoning Mac’s shirt.

Mac pushes off the wall and backs Jack up until they hit the bed. Jack collapses onto it, falling onto his back and looking up at Mac with lustful eyes and a smile that shouldn’t even be legal. Mac finishes undoing his own buttons and then tosses his shirt in the general direction of their jackets before he crawls onto the bed above Jack. 

“Hang on, just a minute.” Jack says suddenly, raising up to prop himself on his elbows.

Mac recoils, confidence gone with those words, and he starts to crawl off Jack. “Sorry, this is too fast, I’m–” 

Jack grabs Mac’s hands and sits up fully. “Mac, sweetheart, hush,” He says with a chuckle. “I just wanted to look at you for a minute.” He says and looks at Mac so lovingly that Mac nearly cries.

Jack’s eyes roam Mac’s body and his hands follow suit soon after, tracking their way up Mac’s torso until Jack’s hands are on his cheeks, thumbs stroking tenderly over Mac’s cheek bones. 

Mac feels exposed, on display, vulnerable, but he finds he doesn’t mind it so much with Jack. He lets Jack look at him while Mac goes to work on the buttons on Jack’s shirt, undoing them with swift, nimble fingers before he pushes it off Jack’s shoulders. Jack smiles at him and throws the clothing to the floor haphazardly. 

Mac pushes him gently down so he’s laying flat on the bed and follows him, catching his mouth in a slow but heavy kiss. After a few minutes of languid kisses, Jack flips them and pins Mac to the bed and _oh,_ does Mac love that. 

Mac’s interest is evident by the way his hardening cock is pressing against Jack’s hip, and Mac would be embarrassed if he couldn’t feel how hard Jack is against his own hip. Jack smirks and kisses his way down Mac’s chest, licks constellations between Mac’s freckles and scars, placing a featherlight kiss over his gunshot scar from Lake Como. Mac sighs softly, Jack’s soft touches driving him crazy in the most pleasant way. 

The muscles in Mac’s stomach twitch as Jack kisses down his torso and Mac is unbelievably hard by the time Jack’s fingers come to undo the button on Mac’s slacks. Mac gasps when Jack’s fingers brush over his cock and he blushes when Jack chuckles at him. 

“Will you just get on with it? Please?” Mac mumbles in annoyance and Jack pulls Mac’s slacks down slowly, and Mac can tell by the way Jack giggles he’s about to say something really stupid.

“Patience you must have, my young Padawan.” Jack says in his best Yoda voice and then he rests his forehead on Mac’s hip, shaking Mac’s bed with laughter. 

Mac can’t help but laugh along with him because there’s only one man in the world who would quote Star Wars in bed, and leave it to Mac to find him. 

“I can’t believe you have your head between my legs and you’re quoting Yoda at me,” Mac groans, bringing up one hand to cover his face as Jack just keeps laughing. 

“I’m sorry, back to our regularly scheduled programming.” Jack smirks and hooks his fingers under the waistband of Mac’s underwear, but Mac bats his hands away. 

“I am not going to be the only person in this room that’s naked,” Mac says with a raised eyebrow and Jack rolls his eyes but stands up and undoes his pants, sliding them down and kicking them to the side, followed immediately by his underwear. 

There Jack stands, naked and hard and gorgeous, like Mac’s hottest wet dream. “Happy?” Jack says as he crawls back onto the bed. 

“Oh, I’m ecstatic.” Mac says smugly and lifts his hips when Jack’s fingers slide under his waistband, letting Jack pull them off. 

Jack nudges Mac’s legs apart gently and Mac bites his lip, letting his head fall against the pillows as his eyes closed. Mac lets himself relax, turns his mind off and focuses in on Jack placing kisses along his thighs and hips, focuses on Jack’s hands running over his skin so softly.

“You okay, darlin’?” Jack asks, lips brushing against the head of Mac’s cock. Mac moans when Jack licks a stripe from the base to the tip, hands fisting into his sheets.

Mac looks down and nods, unable to form words with Jack working his mouth over the head of Mac’s throbbing member like that.

Jack pulls off but keeps his hand moving up and down Mac’s shaft in slow, even pressured strokes. “Need to hear you say it, Mac. You okay?” He asks again, sucking a mark onto Mac’s hip. 

Mac twitches underneath him and swallows hard, willing his voice to work. “Yeah, yeah. I’m okay.” He manages, voice rough, but it’s good enough for Jack because he smiles and takes Mac’s cock back into his mouth. 

Jack bobs up and down and Mac moans, incapable of saying anything that isn’t _fuck,_ or _Jack._ Mac is a mess beneath him and when he feels Jack’s spitslick finger pressing at his entrance, sliding in slowly, causing him the most pleasant pain he’s ever felt, it takes all the willpower he has not to cum right there. 

Jack pulls off Mac’s cock and removes his finger, leaving Mac to whine at the loss. “Lube?” he asks and Mac fumbles in the nightstand for the bottle and a condom, tossing them both to the end of the bed. 

Jack pours the lube over his fingers and settles himself back between Mac’s legs, pushing one finger in slowly. Mac grips the sheets, taking fistfuls of the fabric so hard he thinks he might rip them. One finger is joined by a second, moving slowly, like Jack’s afraid he’s going to hurt Mac. Mac arches his back when Jack’s fingers brush that magic button, orgasm threatening once more. 

“Jack, please.” Mac begs breathily, whining when Jack presses on his prostate again. 

“Please what, sweetheart?” Jack asks innocently, pressing a kiss to the inside of Mac’s thigh.

Mac groans when Jack scissors his fingers. “Jesus Christ, fuck me, please.” He pleads impatiently, giving Jack his best puppy dog eyes. 

Jack doesn’t take much convincing, and inside of ten seconds, Jack pulls his fingers out of Mac and opens the condom, rolling it on and positioning himself over Mac. He pushes in at a pace that is torturous, has Mac squirming and begging Jack for more. Once he’s all the way in, he pauses for a second and bends down to press a kiss to Mac’s mouth, sweet and slow before Mac pulls away and says, “ _Move.”_

Jack does as he’s told and slowly pulls out before thrusting back into Mac, setting a steady pace that’s absolutely amazing. Mac throws his head back, letting out a loud moan when Jack changes the angle just slightly and starts thrusting against Mac’s prostate. 

Jack laces his fingers through Mac’s and pins Mac’s hand above his head. “God, you’re so beautiful. So pretty, baby.” He whispers in Mac’s ear, punctuating his words with a sharp thrust. 

The words are all Mac needs to fall over the edge, arching his back and clutching at Jack’s back, leaving shallow scratches as Jack fucks him through his orgasm. Jack’s rhythm stutters and he lets out a low groan as his own orgasm washes over him. 

Jack pulls out slowly before collapsing next to Mac on the bed, breathing heavily. “That was –” 

“Incredible,” Mac finishes for him, smile spreading out over his blissed out features. 

“Incredible,” Jack echoes as Mac blindly reaches down into the floor for the towel from his shower earlier. Once he finds it, he wipes the quickly drying mess from his stomach while Jack removes the condom and ties it off to toss it in the trash by Mac’s bed. 

They’re both too boneless to bother with clothes, so Jack pulls the comforter over them both and scoots closer to Mac, slinging an arm over Mac’s chest. Mac settles against Jack and lets out a content sigh when Jack noses at his cheek before pressing a kiss there. 

“Love you,” Jack mumbles, sleep taking away the smoothness of his voice.

Mac smiles as he slips into sleep. “I love you.”

–

Mac wakes the next morning feeling sticky and sweaty but sated and happier than he’s been in a long time. He savors a few moments in bed with Jack, California sunshine bathing the older man in a gorgeous light. Mac has never been so in love. 

He rolls out of the bed, careful not to disturb Jack too much, and goes to grab a shower. In the bathroom, he catches sight of himself in the mirror, bruises and love bites scattered over his chest, down his torso and onto his hips. The memory of Jack’s lips and teeth and hands all over him makes a shiver run down his spine, morning wood made even worse by the recollection of the night before. 

Mac turns the water on and steps in, the warmth waking him up almost instantly. He’s just about to wash his hair when the shower door opens and he almost jumps out of his skin.

“You scared the shit out of me, you ass.” Mac exhales with a laugh as Jack steps into the shower with him, crowding into Mac’s space.

Jack laughs and moves under the spray, wincing at the scalding hot water against his skin. “Are you trying to cook yourself, Mac? Jesus.” He says but doesn’t reach to change the temperature, opting to reach for Mac instead and pull him close. 

Mac laughs and sticks his head under the spray, bottle of shampoo already in hand. Just before he can pour it out, Jack takes the bottle from his hand and turns Mac so that his back is to Jack.

“What are you doing?” Mac asks but doesn’t resist as he hears Jack open the cap, pause, close the cap before sitting the bottle down. 

Jack’s fingers go to work on Mac’s blonde strands. “I’m washing your hair. It’s romantic. Shush.” He whispers and Mac obliges, letting Jack’s magic fingers knead his scalp and run through his hair. 

It is pretty romantic, actually, until Jack shoves Mac under the spray unexpectedly and cackles when Mac gets water up his nose. 

“I hate you,” Mac says when he finishes coughing and spitting water out, but he’s grinning when he says it so it doesn’t hold any weight. 

Jack shakes his head and pushes Mac against the shower wall with a mischievous smirk, hands sliding up Mac’s back. “You love me,” he argues.

Mac smiles and sighs in defeat. “I love you,” he relents just in time for Jack to kiss him again, dirty and wet. Jack grows hard against his hip and suddenly, Mac gets a feeling he won’t be getting very clean during this shower.


End file.
